Man with no bad habits !!!

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.

He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.."

"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar..

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health.

"The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like !!!

Invest Wisely !

If you purchased $1,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago,
you would have $49 today.
If you purchased $1,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago,
you would have $33 today.
If you purchased $1,000 of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago,
you would have $0.0 today.
But,
if you purchased $1,000 worth of BEER 1 year ago,
drank all of them,
returned the ALUMINIUM CANS for a recycling refund,
you would have $214.


INVEST WISELY...

Media and the End of the World

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
Readers Digest: 'BYE
Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

50 Fun Things To Do at Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I have! n't seen you in so long!..." etc.
14. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
15. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
16. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
17. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.
19. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
20. Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.
21. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" Put M&M's on layaway.
22. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
23. Set up a tent in the camping department;
24. tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
25. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
26. Ask other customers if they! have any Grey Poupon.
27. Drape a blanket around your shoul! ders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman.
28. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
29. TP as much of the store as possible.
30. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
31. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
32. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
33. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
34. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
35. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
36. Take bets on the battle described above.
37. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
38. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
39. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
40. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. Attempt to fit others! into very large gym bags.
41. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
43. Two words: "Marco Polo." Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
46. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
47. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
48. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
49. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
50. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Inspirational Posters

Sayings That Should Be On Those Office Inspirational Posters:

1. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
2. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
3. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
4. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
6. Plagiarism saves time.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
8. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
9. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
10. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never! underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13. We waste time so you don't have to.
14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19. Succeed in spite of management.
20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

Health - Important Tips

Answer the phone by LEFT ear .

Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.

Do not take pills with COOL water.

Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.

Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.

Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.

Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS .

Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.

Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning .

Do not lie down immediately after taking medic! ine before sleeping.

When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.

Forward this to those whom you CARE about .

India Shines

This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA.
An Indian man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.



He told the loan officer that he was going to India on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.



The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan. The Indian man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out.



The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.



The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there...



Two weeks later, the Indian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15...41.



The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"



The Indian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"



Ah, the brain of the Indians..... This is why India is shining. .