Job !!!

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

Reasons to Allow Drinking at Work !!!

It's an incentive to show up.
It reduces stress.
It leads to more honest communication.
It reduces complaints about low pay.
It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
It encourages carpooling.
It increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't realize it.
It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
It makes fellow employees look better.
It makes conversations easier.
It promotes honesty.
It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn't so emb! arrassing.