Some Nice One Liners........

Here are some nice one liners..:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers.
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week.
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

Top One liners!

1. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
2. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
3. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more(friendship or money)
4. Death is hereditary.
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
7. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
8. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
9. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
10. Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
11. Well done is better than well said.
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody islooking.
13. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
14. I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
15. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
16. I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
17. Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!
18. Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
19. Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
20. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
21. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
22. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
23. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlookedsomething.
24. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
25. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
26. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
27. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
28. Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls.
29. Intelligence is not trying.