How I made money !

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Theory in Hell !

Thermodynamics in Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since, there are more than one of these religi! ons, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Krissy Jones during my Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in Hell bef! ore I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I st! ill have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.
This student got the only A.

Sweet Insults !!!

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purelycoincidental!
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a specialoccasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the humanrace?
4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why shouldI improve your looks?
5. At least there's one thing good about your body.It isn't as ugly as your face!
6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your casethey're nothing!
7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to yourhead!
8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I likeyou.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away fromhome?
10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted tospreading ignorance?
13. Keep talking; someday you'll say somethingintelligent!
14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did toyou?
15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; theyswing from them.
17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot towind it up this morning.
18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sadshape the world is in.
20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliarterritory.
21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he'shandsome.
22. He is known as a miracle comic. If he's funny,it's a miracle!
23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
24. He is living proof that man can live without abrain!
25. He is so short, when it rains he is always thelast one to know.
26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as ablueprint to build an idiot.
27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo isclosed at night!