Medical Miracle.

An 80 year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months together, the woman wasn't feeling well and she went to her doctor.



The doctor examined and said, "Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you're going to be a mother."



"Get serious doctor, I'm 80."



"I know," said the doctor, "This morning, I would have said it was impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle."



"I'll be darned," she replied and stormed out of the office. She walked down the hall and around the corner to where the telephones were. In a rage, she dialed her husband. 


"Hello" she heard in his familiar halting voice.



She screamed, "You rotten SOB. You got me pregnant!"



There was a pause on the line. Finally, her husband answered, "Who's calling please?."

Tech Support

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.



Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."



Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"



Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."

Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."



Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.



Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"

Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."



Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "O! k."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."



Customer: "Now what do I do?"

Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"

Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."

Customer: "How do you spell that?"



Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

The Truth.

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,

Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!

I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,

So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

Admission is free, so pay at the door.

One fine day, in the middle of the night,

two, dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back, they faced each other,

drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

and saved the lives of the two dead boys.

If you don't believe my lies are true,

ask the blind man, he saw it too!