!!!

A turtle was walking through the park when two snails attacked, punched, kicked, and stole his wallet. The police arrived and asked, “What happen to you, were you attacked, were you robbed?” The turtle on his back, bruised, with one eye shut, said "I don't know officer, it happen so Fast"

Search !

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.

"Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer."May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman.

"Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper.

"Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?

"Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

Professional courtesy!

Q. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy!

Kind Words.

A man walked into a restaurant in a strange town.

The waiter came over and asked him for his order.

I'm feeling lonely, he replied, "so what I'd really like is some meat loaf and a kind word.

"The waiter returned with the meat loaf, set it down on the table and began to walk away.

The man asked, "Where's the kind word?"

The waiter stopped, sighed, bent down, and whispered, "Don't eat the meat loaf."

Tactical Wife.

A tactical wife is one who makes sure she spends so much on herself that her husband can't afford another woman.

Women are Equal !!!

A heartwarming story of the advances of women in achieving equality throughout the world...

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in The Middle East several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.She returned to the region recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," said the woman.

Professional courtesy!

Q. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy!

Bad Luck !

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck..."

Warranty ?

A quality engineer married an average girl...

After a tough life with her for two years, he ended with his patienceand finally wrote a note to his father in law...

Your Product Not Meeting my requirements. .

The smart father in law replied..Warranty Expired.... Manufacturer not responsible.

The Rescue

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped." The boy replied, "I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved."