Dinner with Kasporov !

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Shortest Month

What month is the shortest of the year ? 

May, it only has three letters.

Tree

What kind of tree fits in your hand? 

A palm tree.

My Greatest Sin

Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were. 

The first nun says, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box."

The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week." The third just sits there quietly.

So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours."

The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train."

Life

This stopped me in my tracks!

Every minute someone leaves this world behind.

We are all in “the line” without knowing it.

We never know how many people are before us.

We can not move to the back of the line.

We can not step out of the line.

We can not avoid the line.

So while we wait in line -

Make moments count.

Make priorities.

Make the time.

Make your gifts known.

Make a nobody feel like a somebody.

Make your voice heard.

Make the small things big.

Make someone smile.

Make the change.

Make love.

Make up.

Make peace.

Make sure to tell your people they are loved.

Make sure to have no regrets.

Make sure you are ready.

Own Friends !!!

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.

"NO !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.

A Talk on Sex

A professor was asked to give a talk on "Sex".
When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just so.  He said, "Ladies and  Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure . . ."

And he sat back down.